Twilight… what can be said? Moody, brooding, sparkly vampires walking around not biting people. It sounds absurd, and that’s hardly a formidable vampire, now is it? I mean, what happened to the intense seduction of vampires? The blood lust? The sheer brutality of it when he’s angered? Now that’s what makes a vampire! Not to mention, the allergy to sunlight? Remember when vampires used to burst into bright flames and burn like nobody’s business when exposed to the sun? What about the old stake through the heart? Or even coffins?
None of that was in Twilight… and I admit, because of this, I wasn’t interested in watching it. In my opinion, a moody, sparkly vampire certainly makes for a poor excuse for a night stalking bloodsucker. But alas, my curiosity got the best of me. And as Borders was going out of business and having a helluva sale, when I saw the book being advertised for about $5 bucks, I said, what the hell… I’ll give it a whirl. How bad could it be? Right? What I discovered was completely unexpected. What I found instead of vicious, sexy, blood sucking vampires with huge chompers was an intensely romantic love story that touched even me. Who would have thought?
The love story between Bella and Edward was seductive to me in the sense that it was so unconditional. He loved her so much yet his natural instincts wanted to do what all vampires must do… kill her. But he fought it… fought it because he swore not to drink human blood and somehow… somewhere… this incredible, passionate, deep, yearning type love developed for her. And I think the best part about it was that she was just as drawn to him… just as in love with him. For lack of better words, it was simply beautiful.
Stunned… utterly stunned, I decided that I needed to read the next book in the series: New Moon. I rushed myself on down to Barnes and Noble and purchased it and began to read it. To my surprise, Edward leaves Bella… for her own good. The heartbreak that was portrayed there was incredible. Bella was more depressed than anyone I had ever read about in a book; and I found myself crying along with her. Perhaps because I understand and could definitely relate to how she felt, having experienced so much heartbreak and loss myself. I had to put the book down… couldn’t finish it. It made me depressed to read about the emptiness she felt. It reminded me of my own emptiness... that hollow place inside that houses the pain from losing love. I decided the best way for me to get the gist of what was going to happen was to watch the movies instead. Maybe the movies would be kinder on my senses, and I wouldn't be sitting there crying like a blubbering fool.
I went to Target and found all three movies on sale. I think I now understand what the hype is about. It wasn’t the fact that Edward was a vampire but the fact that the love between the two young people (and I use the term young loosely considering Edward is actually 104 years old) was epic… immortal like the vampire himself. Though the first movie wasn’t as good as the book, I found that the love they experienced was very pure and very much coveted… by me.
It makes me feel silly to yearn and long for that type of love when I know it’s just a story. Maybe that type of love doesn’t even exist. I don’t really know. But I know the times where I thought I had something similar, I didn’t. And each time I watch the movies, I find myself crying… crying for me. Crying because I don’t have… and have never had what two fictional characters have. I found myself crying because when Bella thought she had lost Edward forever, I understood her despair and desolation. I found myself crying for poor Jacob (the werewolf) who was in love with Bella but couldn’t have her. Found myself crying because I know how that feels too.
I suppose at this point I understand people’s obsession with this series. Maybe they long to feel the same love that I do… that Bella and Edward do. Maybe the only way they can get close to it is to watch two fictional characters act it out. I think that’s sad… sad and a tad pathetic… but in my case, an unfortunate truth.
It sounds stupid, but I hope that someday… someday soon, I can experience that eternal, unconditional love that Bella and Edward have. I hope that as hard as I love… whomever I am meant to love, that they will reciprocate the feelings. That they will fight to keep me close to their heart the way Edward fought for Bella... and the way that Bella fought for Edward. Sad to say that a whiny, moody, high schooler and a sparkling vampire are the models to show you how love is supposed to be, but it’s pretty true. I hope someday that I can find my Edward… if he exists for me. Until then… I guess I’ll always have Twilight.