You know, I didn’t want to turn this blog into a whinefest about my love life (or should I say the lack thereof), but quite honestly, I find that I am constantly amazed at how much the modern dating scene completely sucks. I mean, I’m not the most desirable candidate in the world. I can admit that but gee whiz, there should be someone out there for even me shouldn’t there?
Now you’re probably saying to yourself, “come on Ari, why would you say you aren’t a desirable candidate?” Well that’s an easy one. For one, I’m a mother. I have a four year old son so for most men, that’s an automatic out. Two, I’m almost 30 and I find that even the older guys prefer the younger chicks. Three, I’m tall… I guess even the tall guys like a shorty. Four, I’m pretty independent and that’s because I have to be. Because if I don’t pay these bills, who is gonna do it? If I don’t pay this rent, it’s not like some man is going to show up with a check. But as much as men say they like an independent woman, the truth is, they actually want someone who depends on them quite a bit.
Now you see how that sounds contradictory? That’s just what I’m talking about. That makes no sense at all. I can’t wrap my mind around it. I’ve heard men complain and complain about women only wanting them for their money… golddiggers. I hear them say, I want Miss Independent. So, enter Miss Independent on the scene (that means moi) and bam! Suddenly, it’s Ari, you’re too independent. You don’t need a man. You can handle your own. Well damn! I may not need him to pay my bills but can’t I just want one? Is that not good enough?
Then I hear guys say, I don’t want a hoe. Okay, so you find a nice wholesome girl. And then what? Well he tries to turn her into a hoe. He wants her to be his personal sex toy but she shouldnt have already been the personal sex toy to anyone else. I don’t get that. And why are you seeking out a nice wholesome girl to be your sex toy in the first place? If you’re out there whoring around, shouldn’t you have a whore who is right up your alley? Instead you want to put miles on the good girls. Makes no sense to me. But that’s the way they think.
Then they say, I want someone I can relate to… who is gonna hold it down for me. I want a nice girl. Okay, Nice Girl (aka moi) enters the scene. First thing you say is, “oh Ari, you’re such a nice girl. Oh Ari, you’re such a sweetheart!” Sounds good right? Sounds like he really likes you, then Bam! You never hear from him again. Why is that? If you were so great and wonderful, what was the problem? Why am I left scratching my head in confusion? I swear it’s the kiss of death when a man tells me that I’m so nice and sweet. I figure, what they really want is a bonafide bitch! But then, aren’t they the same ones complaining that black women are too bitchy? I don’t get it. Makes no sense to me.
So you see, I’m having the toughest time trying to understand what to do and what not to do when it comes to men. I don’t understand how they think or how they operate. Why is it that nothing they say fits with their actions and their actions fit with nothing they say? Where is the instruction manual for this mess? Seriously! You meet a guy, you hit it off, you talk for weeks upon weeks, but he doesn’t want to move towards anything else. He wants the booty, but nothing else. He wants to vent all his problems to you, oh yeah, and let’s not forget the booty, but anything else, fagetaboutit (in my Tony Soprano voice)! If you mention having a relationship with him, you may as well have told him you had AIDs because he is out of there faster than a hooker running from a pimp she owes money.
I do hope that at some point I will grow to understand… or God will intervene somehow, because I’m doing pretty shitty with dating right about now. The more I date, the less I think I have a chance at marriage and having a daughter some day. And the more cynical I become. This is truly the problem with people today. We’re all cynics… all jaded so much that we don’t believe in anything anymore. I used to believe in love… now I’m not so sure. What’s a girl to do?