Thursday, June 6, 2013

Nobody's Checkin' For The Fat Girl

Fat, hefty, rotund, chubby, thicka than a snicka- all words and phrases used to describe females (like myself) who are just a bit larger than a chicken bone.  Hey, I always thought it was good to have nice thick thighs, breasts, and hips with a side of ass to go with it.  Sounds like a Hammer to me!  But then again, I'm a female- a heterosexual female at that, so I suppose I dont really know what goes on in the eyes or heads of men.  In my thirty years of existence, and only 12 of those years have a I been a dating adult, I've found that being "thicka than a snicka" ain't exactly getting me any play with the fellas.  What kills me about that is you dont necessarily have to be fat to be branded that way.  Hell, I'm a size 10- hardly something that you need to roll on to The Biggest Loser, and yet by societal standards, I'm overweight for my height and have been deemed sexually undesirable by Cosmopolitan magazine (just my opinion so dont go trying to sue a sister).  Now ain't that bout a bitch?

So it got me to wondering, what makes these skinny girls and model chicks so hot?  For one, I can see your bones.  Yeah, you heard me- I can see your bones, boo!  When I see the bones of a child, I think I need to call CPS because the mama is starving him.  Does that same logic not apply to adults?  If I can play Chopsticks with your ribs, you might need a sandwich, honey.  Just saying. And wouldn't sex be uncomfortable?  Somehow I dont think it's sexy to have a hip bone sticking into somebody's side.  That sounds a little painful and might mess with the whole orgasm process... or at least I would think it would.  What about curves in a dress?  Sharp edges in a form fitting dress is certainly not cute... or is that IN this year?  You know I dont know.

Okay so yeah, I'm going to go ahead and commit treason to my fellow fat girls and admit that it would be as grand as a piano to have a flat tummy.  I'm not going to sit here and lie like I wouldnt be strutting around like a Peacock with new feathers if I had one, but my total package, in my opinion, is more than just the tummy.  I dont have an ass... I'll admit that.  So that's a strike on my part, but at least it has shape.  When I bend it over, you've got a great view.  The breasts and legs are on point, so I've got that in my favor.  Isn't it better to look at something full than at knobby knees attached to string bean legs? 

Now don't get me to lying by saying that all small girls look like they've been held hostage in a cellar somewhere starving.  That's not it.  On the contrary, I've seen beautiful women who are small with curves who are killing the game right now.  Word up, they look good and they have me shaking my head thinking, "Damn I need to get myself together."  That being said, let's not sleep on the thicker girls out there.  We have just as much sex appeal to offer as the small girls, but I find that we don't get as much play.  Why is that?  How has the media- television, music videos with half naked hoes dancing all around rappers, and magazines full of perfectly proportionate skinny girls changed the way we view people?  Now, thanks to society's views, we all have to look a certain way just to get ahead.  Even me- I've bought into the horrible hype, sacrificing the food I love so much just to get myself looking the way I need to in order to be successful as a visible writer.  I feel like a sellout.  And while I am happy to be healthy by doing this, at the same time I'm worried about losing my curves that I love so much that earned me the name Fat Girl in the first place.  Hey!  Say what you want, being a Fat Girl is where it's at. 

That's okay though.  I'll let the skinny girls win this round because us Fat Girls will win in the end.  And yes it's kind of a competition.  Only the strong survive out there.  I've gotta find myself a husband.  Hopefully he wont be one of those skinny lovers lol.  But any man worth his salt knows to stick with the Fatty.  In the case of nuclear holocaust and starvation takes over, the skinny broad'll be the first to go.  She has no insulation to get her through the winter, and no fat for her body to live off of.  Haha!  Oh well.  I guess until then, Nobody's Checkin' For The Fat Girl!

*This blog post is written to poke fun at women in general, and no harm is meant by any of the sarcastic things I say so please don't take offense*