Monday, March 31, 2014

The Guy Chronicles- Article I: Ironman Is A Myth (Your Guy Is Human)

Greetings, my fellow single ladies!  Tell me how has the single life been treating you thus far?  Are the parties still as lively?  Are the fellas drooling just as much at the sight of your toned legs in heels?  And are you basking in the glory of all that constant, overwhelming yet deliciously flattering male attention?  Hmm… well if you are, soak it alllll up, honey, because I’m here to tell you, it doesn’t last always…
Now you may be thinking to yourself, “oh hell, what does she know?  She’s just as single as we are and she’s over 30 and still can’t find a man!”  Ha!  Well, you got me there, but that doesn’t mean that I can’t identify the problem and provide a solution to the rest of you gals out there.  So, in an effort to educate every single lady on the things she does NOT know about a man (and incidentally I just happened to stumble across), I’m going to start a series of posts that we can affectionately call “The Guy Chronicles,” detailing all the complicated “stuff” that we just don’t automatically know about men.  Consider this article one ;)


Guy Chronicles No. 1:  Ironman Is A Myth (Your Guy Is Human) 

Well ladies, I really feel that there is no better place to start than with recognizing that your guy (if you have one or want one) is human.  Hate to break it to ya, but as awesome as he absolutely is (and he really is super awesome), at the end of the day, he really can’t give you the moon, stars, and world.  And to be quite honest, it’s really inconsiderate and a tad selfish of you to expect it.  It’s way too much pressure on the poor fella.  Now you may say, “C’mon Ari, we know that already.”  But do you really?  Let me explain.

Men (at least really good ones,- and for the sake of argument, we are only going to discuss the good ones worth having) are very prideful creatures.  Somehow, it has been code written into their DNA since the beginning of time that they are meant to protect and take care of their loved ones- effectively making them the head.  They work to provide food and shelter; they fight to protect their home; and they die with the satisfaction of knowing that they were useful to their family.  In my opinion (and apparently in theirs), that is what a man does by nature.  You really can’t change that.  And this is the first aspect of men that you absolutely, 100% have to understand before you deal with one.
 
Because it is coded in his DNA to be the head, he expects to take the lead.  And yes, honey, if you would like him to stick around, you’d best let him take on that role.  That being said, being the head comes with a great responsibility.  And though he would love for you to think that he knows everything and can do anything- give you everything you desire, go to work and be the best at work, be a champion amongst his friends, and have everything totally under control with a cool head, the reality is that this couldn’t be further from the truth.  That man is human.  He may not always know exactly what to do because he doesn’t know everything.  When he goes to work each day, he is going to work extra hard to prove himself and stay competitive because he is afraid (and I use the term afraid very loosely) that he is replaceable at work- even if his work ethic is impeccable.  He strives to be the kind of man that his family, friends, and lady can look up to, but inside he’s just a human.

Now how does this tie into you, you must wonder.  Well you can imagine that it is awfully hard and tedious being out there in the world, fighting to present oneself as a super human with everything under control when there are so many factors that are going to bring you down just a bit.  Bruised egos, a blow at work, the fear (again using that word loosely) as being found out that he has weaknesses are all things that work on a man’s thought processes every single day and make him vulnerable.  This is where you, as his woman, comes in.  He needs a place that can be his haven for peace- where he can go to get away from that messy, stressful world out there that he’s been battling all day, just to keep things in order.  He needs YOU.
Now if you’re in tune with your guy, (and if you expect this thing to go long term you damn well better be), you should be able to sense when things aren’t quite right- when his energy is low, or his mood isn’t the best, or he just gives you a vibe that says “I’ve been beaten up by the world.”  It is here where he will need you to understand that he is human.  This isn’t the time to nag about the toilet seat being left up, or he forgot again to put his shoes back in the closet.  No annoying reminders to take out the trash or pressure to have dinner with your great aunt Agatha who smells like moth balls and talks with a stoma. 

 
No- this is the time to be supportive.  To let him know you’re there for him, and that he’s home now, where he is loved and respected; and that he can finally relax.  It’s time to give that reassuring forehead kiss (and yes they need reassurances just like us ladies do) that lets him know that he is still Superman in your eyes and that he can now rest in order to fight another day tomorrow.  It really is just that simple.

That being said, in understanding that your guy is human, you also have to understand that humans make mistakes- honest mistakes.  Now which mistakes are worth letting go and which ones aren’t is totally subjective to each couple.  I sure can’t make that distinction for you.  I mean if my guy (if I ever get one) burns down the house ‘cause he was trying to make me dinner, while really sweet that he was cooking for me, I’m going to be a tad pissed-off that my house is now ash and there’s no dinner, to boot!  I might have a bit to say about that :)  But, if it is something not worth fighting over or flapping your gums to nag about, let it go, because this man has already been beaten up by the world and he needs your support- even when he messes up.  And trust me, he’s going to mess up at some point.  Know why?  ‘Cause he’s HUMAN!
So what do you do when your human man makes mistakes?  Well, in a nutshell, forgive him.  And no you don’t have to tell him like a big doofus “baby, you messed up, but I forgive you.”  No.  See that’s the problem with us ladies, we talk too much.  Just forgive him and keep it moving.  He’ll clean up his own mess because that’s what he does.  And if he requires help to clean it up, then be there to do that BUT, don’t rub it in his face (unless it’s unavoidable- I mean let’s face it, every mistake isn’t able to be let go).  For the most part, however, just support that man the way he needs support.  Blindly support him (and I may go more into that concept in another post). Yea I said it, do it blindly!

 
They need that.  They need you there with them, even when they mess up.  They need to know that you have their back and that they are still your Superman.  Please don’t humiliate or degrade your man by constantly scolding him like a child for mistakes.  That’s a great way to stay single forever!  Trust my words ladies, your cold shoulder in the wake of a mistake can be YOUR biggest mistake.

This post isn’t meant for you to kiss his ass either.  Trust me, honey, Ari kisses the ass of no one, but in moderation, there are compromises and sensitivities to your man and what he goes through trying to be a good one every day that you need to acknowledge.  Learn his limitations so that you know what he is capable of handling and what he isn’t.  Then make sure that you are as supportive as possible to him and his needs (because if you’re his wife, he’s out there busting his ass for you ya know… the least you could do is be supportive). Be a friend, a confidante- be his peace, his breath of fresh air in a polluted world.  That’s your role as his woman. 


Now don’t worry or get your knickers all in a bunch, 
I’m doling out this information for free.  Don’t thank me or anything.  Just start putting it into practice and I guarantee that he will appreciate it and you so much more.  No need for a side piece when your main squeeze knows exactly what you need.  Operation Keep That Man is now in process ;)  Best of luck, cuties!

Sincerely,

Arielle "Ari" Crowell, author