Thursday, April 17, 2014

The Guy Chronicles No. 4: If Batman is Flying Blind, You Better Be Too!

Well hello again ladies!  Yes it’s me!  About to bring you yet another blog post full of my thoughts and opinions in regard to men.  I know that I talked a lot about Blind Support in a couple of my other posts, but I never really went into extensive detail as to what that is.  And no, it doesn’t mean you’ll be needing a Seeing Eye Dog.  I do, however, think it is something that you need to do if you are in a relationship, or hope to have a successful one.  Let’s get this show on the road and see what’s what!

The Guy Chronicles No. 4: If Batman is Flying Blind, You Better Be Too! 


So if your guy is Batman, (and if you love him, he damn well better be just that cool to you that you think of him that way), then you have to have complete trust and faith in him.  That means that without question, without fail, you need to back him up 100% even if you aren’t sure of what he’s doing.  You have to blindly support him and that’s just the reality of the situation.  Now you’ve probably just rolled your eyes so hard that they’re stuck in your head and frowned so much that your face looks like crumpled paper.  I get it, I know…  Don’t think that I don’t.  That sounds CRAZY to blindly support somebody. I mean, he could be doing anything.  But just the same, you have to have faith that he knows what he's doing. 

So let's take stock here with an example.  Suppose you’re not with the guy, and he’s treated you like a jerk.  Maybe he was good at basketball and finally got accepted to a semi pro team.  You still love him or still think of him like a friend, but the jerk left you for a leaner, meaner, sexier version of you as soon as he signed those papers.  Screw him right?  Sure!  Screw him!!  What do you care about what’s going on in his life?  Except,
maybe you do.  (Now this isn’t for every girl because every girl won’t do this.  But if you loved the asshole and still have love for him, it doesn’t hurt to offer support sometimes.)  Now say due to his nerves, he has a rough couple of games.  He’s doing badly, and you can tell from his Facebook statuses that maybe he’s depressed.  (He’s not going to come right out and say he’s depressed because he’s a man, but you having loved the jerk can tell when something is bothering him without him even saying so).  So you decide, that as a friend, you’ll go see him play.  So you go to the game.  He’s got the ball, and he’s making bad passes, not getting rebounds, and missing layups.  You can see the anguish all over his face as he sweats profusely trying to prove himself.  That leaner, meaner, sexier you he has is looking disgusted.  She didn’t sign up to be with a loser.  

So what do you do?  Next time he has the ball, stand up and yell out “Let’s Go!”  Show that you’re hyped that he has the ball!  Smile so big and bright that it lights up that court.  When he sees you there, blindly supporting him (because he knows damn well he doesn’t deserve it), it will change everything about what he’s doing.  You’ll breathe new life into him.  And whether he wins or loses, he’ll be a winner that day.  Now he may not dump Leaner Meaner Sexier You in order to get back with you (or he might, who knows), but he damn sure will have something to think about and will appreciate it.

Now that’s just an example of what that does for an asshole guy that you’re not even with.  If Blind Support can do that for Asshole Guy, imagine what it can do for your Batman- the man worthy of your Blind Support (even when he’s being a jerk).  Imagine how much respect and appreciation he will have for you as his Lady when he realizes
exactly who he has in front of him.  Someone not with him for money, or for material things, or because he is fine as hell...  He has someone there with him just because he is him and will support him when he deserves it and especially when he doesn’t.  That right there is Gold, my friends.  That right there is what keeps em coming home at night.  At least I think so…

I really do think that Blind Support goes hand in hand with my previous blog post, #HomeTeam.  It’s all the same stuff, just broken down differently.  It’s just another form of respect and love.  It shows that you are down for the cause.  Ride or Die… (hopefully not die, but if it came down to it who knows).  I know for
me, as much as I detest confrontation, if I am with a guy and I love the hell out of him, no one is ever going to get in my man’s face without me right beside him giving it right back.  I may not know what he did, or who he did it to, but it doesn’t matter because I know that he’s a good guy (and let’s pray that you’ve picked a good one) and no one is going to disrespect him on my watch!  Now if he tells you he can handle it (and most times he will), then let him handle it.  He’s a man after all and it’s written in his DNA to handle things alone, but that doesn’t mean that you’re off the hook.  No.  You need to be very aware of what’s going on and ready to get in there and go for it with him if need be.  That’s how you need to think of it.

So many ladies out there want that protection from their guy, but don’t understand that though it isn’t always needed, men need protection too.  The Queen protects the King- The King protects the Queen- The Kingdom stands forever, that’s how I look at it. And you can’t be afraid to do that.  You can’t be afraid to trust him and have faith in him to the point that you can blindly say, “you know what, I’ve got your back,” because if you chose wisely, and he’s worth it, then he deserves to have that part of you.  He deserves you right there beside him because if it were you, he would be right there with you.  That’s how you build a strong foundation that is unshakable by even the most damaging of life events.  Mutual Blind Support makes you and your Batman a power couple.  So start charging that relationship up!

Now I’m not saying that you have to go along with every little thing that he does.  No, that would be nuts.  He’s not going to always have great ideas, and if you two are as deep as you should be, there is a way to tell him that without belittling him.  You aren’t a doormat either, so don’t go thinking that that means you have to agree with everything.  No.  You are still a fluid human being with common sense, intelligence, and a will of your own.  This advice of Blind Support is just a way to incorporate some of your man’s needs into your relationship so that it can be stronger.  He does need to know that you have his
back, but that doesn’t mean that if he goes out there and picks a fight with a whole motorcycle gang that you’re supposed to grab a Baretta and start busting off.  I mean you could, but that’s a great way to end up in jail… or in a casket, whichever comes first.  Nobody is saying to support him through that.  Everything within moderation and reason.  If he’s a good guy, he’ll never put you in a messed up situation.  If the love he has for you is pure and true and deep where he respects you, your well being, and your submission (in a sense) to him, it’s okay to step out on that faith and blindly support him.  He’s not going to put you in harm’s way.

So let’s try to incorporate this notion into our relationships, Ladies, and make things better and stronger.  Don’t go screaming and yelling like a banshee at Khalil because he got laid off today.  You might be pissed.  Might want to ask a million questions, but don’t   At least not right away.  Give him dinner, run his bath, massage him down and make him comfy and relaxed.  He had a hard day after all.  When he is ready to speak on the event (and he damn well better speak on it cause it’s a big blow to your household), be there to listen, encourage, uplift and love.  Breathe new life into him.  That’s Blind Support.  And that’s what every relationship needs.  Operation Get and Keep That Man is now in process!  Tootles!

Sincerely,

Arielle L. Crowell

Friday, April 11, 2014

The Guy Chronicles No. 3: Respect That Man, Boo! #HomeTeam

Greetings ladies!  It’s about that time for another article of The Guy
Chronicles.  Hold up, seriously, are you groaning?  I’m giving out good advice here.  Anyway, today we are going to talk about respect, aka the #HomeTeam concept.  Now you’re probably giving me the side eye as usual, thinking to yourself, give me a break, Ari- I know how to respect a man, and this ain’t basketball.  Well is that so?  Think again!  Respect for men goes much deeper than I am sure any of us ladies have ever imagined, and you + your guy= The #HomeTeam.  I know it sounds kinda crazy because respect sounds like such common sense, but trust me.  When I found out what respect to a man really meant, I was astonished.  No one had told me all of that, and I can bet that about 80% of you reading this haven’t heard about it either.  So let’s get on this #HomeTeam thing and see what we can figure out.

The Guy Chronicles No. 3: Respect That Man, Boo #HomeTeam (Part I)


So traditionally, we ladies think to ourselves when we’ve got a great guy, that of course we are going to give him the utmost respect.  If you’re an old fashioned gal like I am, you’re absolutely gargantuan on being respectful.  But in all fairness, what in the world does it mean to respect a man?  Merriam- Webster tells us that respect is a feeling or understanding that someone or something is important, serious, etc., and should be treated in an appropriate way.  Alright, well that’s all well and good, but what does even that mean?  Let us find out.

Most of us ladies feel like if we are in a relationship and we don’t flirt with
other men, don’t openly check out guys while with our guy, don’t talk badly about our guy to anyone, do our best not to nag him to death, and give him the big piece of chicken at dinner, we are respecting him.  Ha!  That couldn’t be further from the truth.  See, what we ladies have failed to observe is the ego of men runs deep… runs right to their heart, into their blood, and all throughout their genetic make up.  That means we walk a fine line between giving them the respect they require, and the disrespect they condemn.

Trust in His Abilities

First and foremost, your guy absolutely wants to know that you trust him and his abilities.  I don’t mean trust him like if he goes out, he won’t cheat on you.  I mean by the time you’re in the relationship, that part of it damn well better be established.  No- I mean your guy wants to know that you trust his decision making skills and his abilities to complete tasks as well as solve problems.  Here is an example:

Jessica and Kevin are headed to a corporate dinner.  Jessica has made sure to
look extra beautiful, sexy, yet tasteful so that Kevin will be pleased to walk with her by his side.  After all, every guy wants a lady he can be proud of right?  She wants to make a great impression so she has made sure to get ready early so that they can be on time.  She has even taken the liberty of finding the address and putting it in her GPS.  When they pile into Kevin’s Dodge Challenger, and he gets the engine roaring- ready to go, Jessica happily tells him, “I’ve got the directions right here on my iPhone, baby!  This is going to be so fun!”  Kevin chuckles and gives her knee an affectionate squeeze.  She’s such a thoughtful girl.  He looks over at her and kisses her, careful not to smudge her lip gloss and says “Thanks babe, but I’ve got it.  I know how to get there.  You just sit there and look gorgeous like you always do.”  And he gives her a wink.

Jessica immediately shrugs and says okay, but secretly keeps her GPS on just in case because she knows that sometimes, Kevin takes the long way and they really don’t want to be late.  They head off towards the highway and Jessica notices that Kevin is making a turn down a street that her GPS says isn’t correct.  She immediately feels alarmed.  What if they’re late?  What if they get lost?  What if they miss the appetizers and corny jokes?  Pointing at her phone she squeals, “Kevin!  You’re going the wrong way!  My GPS says go this way… not that way!” 

Kevin gives her a look like “what did you just say to me?”  And there it is right there!  The disrespect begins.  Now most of us ladies would look at the scenario and think, disrespectWhere?  But trust me, it’s there all the same.  What Jessica has done is undermined Kevin’s abilities as a man to get them to where they need to be.  She hasn’t trusted his judgment to take the road that he chose, nor has she had faith that he knows what he’s doing.  A guy would probably think (and don’t quote me cause I don’t really know- I’ve never been a guy before) that why in the world is she saying this to him when obviously he wouldn’t take the damn road if he didn’t know where he was going.  Sighhhhhhh…. It can be hard, ladies, to sit back and let things happen within that scenario, but the truth is, it’s better to do it that way. 

You have to trust in his abilities to do things, even when they don’t quite work out.  We can not take a man’s pride away from him or we risk making him feel like a child.  And that, my friends is the first stop along the ride to Splitsville.  You have to be on board with what it is he is doing (within reason of course).  I mean if he decides to go and rob a bank and murder an orphanage full of kids and nuns, I’d say screw #HomeTeam, he’s on his own with that one.  But if he hasn’t become a psychotic maniac, or a gambler, or something behind which you can’t support, just go with it, even if he messes up.  Kinda goes back to my first Guy Chronicles article.  He’s human so he will mess up sometimes, but #HomeTeam says you can’t ridicule him about it or make him feel like less of a person because of it.  Just go with it. 

Be a Lady In Public

Now I am expecting most ladies to be very in tune with this rule, but it needs to be stated just the same.  You have to be a lady in public.  #HomeTeam means that if you are pissed off with your guy to high heaven, but you’re in public especially within the presence of other men or other couples, you need
to plaster on a smile to your face and fake it for the evening.  Yeah I said it!  Sometimes you gotta fake it.  Do NOT make a scene in public.  Do NOT alert others to what is going on between you and your guy.  Do NOT embarrass your guy in front of other men- strangers and especially not his friends and family.

Also, don’t dispute what your guy is saying while in public.  Even if what he is saying doesn’t make a lick of sense.  Even if he said that Alexander The Great was the First President of The United States and you know for sure that it was George Washington.  When he looks for you to back him up, you better nod confidently and smile the biggest, sweetest, adoring smile ever and say “you got that right babe, it sure was Alexander The Great!”  That’s #HomeTeam right there.  I swear these are some deadly sins type of things with your guy.  If you dispute him in front of another guy or couple, man have you just delivered him the atomic bomb of disrespect.  Your relationship is going up in flames the second you do that.  Maybe it won’t burn to a crisp, but there will definitely be some damage.  And I am telling you, even if you are mad at your guy, you still need to keep up with #HomeTeam.  Fake it til you make it, boo!

Even if you aren’t mad at your guy, make sure you don’t do something that will accidentally humiliate him.  As much as us ladies like to tease our guys because you are used to the light hearted, playful banter between you two, do NOT ever make a joke at your guy’s expense in front of another man.  EVER!  Know why?  Because the other guy is automatically going to think that your guy is weak.  Now you might say to yourself, why in the world would the guy think that?  Well, because that guy knows that your guy has a woman who doesn’t respect him enough not to embarrass him in public, that’s why. 
From what I have observed, men are always at competition with each other so making a joke in public would never do.  Making a scene in public would never do.  You don’t hurt the #HomeTeam, you build it up.  You need to be telling some impressive Iron Man stories about your guy in regard to something he did.  That’s what you should be doing.  Even if you are pissed at him like I said.  Recall that in Guy Chronicles No. 1, I said that they need blind support
sometimes.  Well here it is.  Blindly support his ass, even if he has been a pain in the ass.  If you feel like cursing him out til the cows come home, do it when you get back to the car.  While you’re in the presence of everyone else, he needs to look like the Greatest Thing Since Sliced Bread.  It’s just compromise.  He can listen to you whine at him later.  Trust me, he’ll appreciate that in the eyes of other men, he has a classy woman who respects him and adores him.  That makes him King.

Never Give Another Guy The Upper Hand

This kind of goes along with trusting in his abilities and trusting in him as a person.  See, a lot of us ladies are impatient.  When we want something done, we absolutely mean we want it done now.  We don’t have time for him to flip through the channels and watch Sports Center for three hours, or pick up the sticks and play NBA Live 2014 all day first.  No, no, no, when we say the sink isn’t working right and it needs to be fixed, we generally mean today.  So when our guy says oh he’ll get to it later, our immediate reaction is, alright, I’ll get it fixed then right now.  We call a plumber.  Or heaven forbid, we call another guy we know to come fix it- a friend of the family, the neighborhood priest, it doesn’t matter.  Doing that is a No No.  And a damn big one too! 

You never invite another male to come and fix something or attend to something that you asked your guy to do just because he isn’t doing it fast enough.  Now this one is a toughy, cause really, how long can you wait for your guy to get up and do what you asked before it becomes counterproductive to continue waiting for him?  This is a battle you’ll have to pick carefully.  Pride and passions are running high for a man on this one.  But if I haven’t learned a thing else, I have learned that unless he told you it was okay to get someone else to do it, your best bet is to wait.  He is going to see this as the ultimate disrespect, trust me- I know!  I’ve made this mistake a time or two myself.  And I’ve watched others make it too.

It’s funny because when the guys would get mad, we would never know why.  Like why is he so angry that I got Jerry the Janitor to fix the light bulb?  Truth is, I don’t know… I don’t know why they see it as disrespectful.  And maybe I don’t have to know why.  Maybe it’s a territorial thing, and that’s just a natural instinct.  I mean honestly, how pissed would we be if our guys got Buffy The Body to come and make him a three course meal for dinner.   I’ll tell you how pissed, it’d be grounds for termination cause the disrespect would be massive.  So likewise, I am certain that men think similarly.   It’s all about #HomeTeam.  If you want him to stay on your team, you damn well better be rooting for the team you have together- the #HomeTeam.  That means keeping other players out of the equation.

Getting Advice From Other Guys

Listen, I can say that this one is a huge No No.  One that I had to find out the hard way, myself.  It does come so natural for us ladies to make friends with a guy and have conversations about men vs. women.  After all, we are of the opposite sex and we all seek to learn more about each other.  But when you have a guy you’re in a relationship with (or one you hope will turn into a relationship some day), your best bet is NOT to talk about your guy with your guy friend.  Especially if your guy friend knows your guy.  And believe me this one was a hard one for me to understand too, but apparently, speaking with another guy about your guy- even indirectly- exposes your guy as weak.  Even if the things you have said don’t make your guy look weak at all- even if you are proud of the guy that you have and the things he does and you’re so excited to boast about it, don’t.  Because the world of men is different from the world of ladies.  Where we think something is cute or adorable and sweet, another man would look at it as a vulnerability or a weakness.  It’s best to tell your friend, Joe Shmoe that everything is great between you and your guy, he’s a wonderful friend and companion, and that’s all she wrote.  Keep what you two do to yourself #HomeTeam.  Your guy keeps his pride and your guy friend keeps his nose out of your business, and it stops him from judging your guy.

Likewise, don’t ever tell another man when you and your guy are having problems.  OMG no no no!  Not a good look!  And I really shouldn’t even have to explain why.  Not all male friends (even the ones we think we can trust) have the best intentions all the time.  If you love your guy, you won’t do anything to jeopardize that.  Joe Shmoe doesn’t need to know about the argument that you and Iron Man had.  It’s none of his business and you don’t need to expose the weakness of your man or your relationship to him.  Loose lips sink ships!

I’m going to wrap it up with this bit of advice today, ladies.  Maybe there will be a Part 2 to #HomeTeam soon, but you should get the point for now.  I do want to stress that this advice isn’t meant to make you a doormat to your guy.  Not at all!  You should never be so lenient that your guy walks over top of you.  This is just to show you where you can give a little to his needs so that your relationships can be successful.  You still need to maintain your sense of self, your sense of right and wrong.  You of course can’t concede to every battle.  When he’s wrong, he’s wrong.  But tell him he’s wrong in the privacy of your own home.  In public, around other men, #HomeTeam!  Operation Get and Keep Your Guy is now in process!  Tootles!

Sincerely,






Arielle "Ari" Crowell, Author
 


Friday, April 4, 2014

The Guy Chronicles No. 2: OMG He Shut Down (Delving into the Black Hole of a Man's Thoughts)


The Guy Chronicles No. 2: OMG He Shut Down! (Delving into the Black Hole of a Man’s Thoughts)
 

So ladies, here we are again on the second article from The Guy Chronicles, and this time we’re talking about that deep, dark, abyss your guy (or any guy for that matter because even my five year old son does this) sinks into whenever you ask him a question.  Heavens to Betsy, it’s about the most annoying thing a guy can do isn’t it?  You’re standing there with your hand on your hip waiting for a reply to a serious question, and he’s standing there with the “duh” look on his face.  Don’t you just want to shake the pure living hell out of him?  I mean gee whiz, you haven’t got all day!  But what’s really going on behind that vacant expression?  Do you know?  Well luckily for you, it does have a purpose.  And perhaps with the tiniest smidge of patience, we ladies can grow to understand and work with this purpose.  Let me explain.


So let’s say Lisa was at work all day, thinking wonderful thoughts about her boyfriend Jason.  Things have been going smoothly for over a year, and Lisa is starting to get that itch to get married.  Jason, of course, hasn’t said one way or another whether he thinks about marriage, and Lisa doesn’t want to pressure him.  She loves him, and she hopes that perhaps his love for her and wanting to marry her would come naturally.  Still, he might need a little push right?  So she figures, hmmm why don’t I ask him how he feels about living together?  He’s over my house all the time anyway right?  Maybe we could start there… This, for a woman, is a perfectly logical train of thoughts.

So Lisa heads home and makes a fantastic dinner of all his favorite foods and puts on a sexy dress with nice high heels that accent her long legs and strong calve muscles.  She smells good, she looks good, she cooks good.  What’s not to like?  He couldn’t resist being enthusiastic about maybe living with her when she has so much to offer could he?  So Jason comes home and sits down at the head of the table.  Everything sure looks great and after a long hard day at the office, he’s ready to dive right in!  He’s starving!  He picks up his fork and knife to get started on devouring his Yankee Pot Roast when Lisa looks at him, with a twinkle in her eye and says “Babe, we need to talk.”  (And cue the Twilight zone music right here)

She has just sent poor Jason on a trip down the Rabbit Hole to Wonderland.  What in the hellified gangsta lean does she want to talk about, he wonders to himself.  He checks his mind.  Did he take out the trash?  Did he walk the dog?  She didn’t find out that he’d fondled the stripper neighbor’s fatty had she?  After all, it was only that one time and he was drunk so it doesn’t count… He searches his mind, trying not to sweat.  But Lisa smiles sweetly and tells him to relax.  It’s nothing major.  She says “Well, babe (or bae for you people who have shortened babe to bae), I think it’s time that we think about living together.  Don’t you think that would be a great idea?  We could save money-“  she drones on and on about the benefits of cohabitation.  But to her surprise, Jason has already checked out of the conversation.  He heard the words that mattered.  So the “nothing” with the stripper is still safe, but living together?  Black Hole Time!  And he shuts down faster than a dial up internet connection in a rain storm.

Lisa stares at him confusedly, waiting for an answer, but Jason has nothing he wants to say.  He puts his fork and knife down, excuses himself from the table, grabs his coat, and heads out into the evening.  Lisa stares in confused wonder (and probably quite a bit of disappointment and anger) wondering what in the entire hell just happened?  He just ignored her and walked away.  He didn’t answer anything or say anything meaningful.  He didn’t even kiss her goodbye before he left!  He just checked out.  She feels her blood boiling and the urge to stomp around is overwhelming.  He was always doing that!  Always shutting down when she wanted to talk!  What’s wrong with him, she angrily screams in her head.

So what’s wrong with Jason?  Well the short answer is absolutely nothing!  He’s just being a guy.  See the problem with us ladies has always been that we think so differently from males.  We don’t understand their processes and I’m pretty sure that for the most part, they don’t understand ours, but this isn’t to say that we can’t bridge the gap.  Now ladies, the explanation for Jason and his rude, crude, and socially unattractive (in your mind) behavior is just his way of thinking about the question you’ve just asked him.  That’s right!  He isn’t ignoring you- at least not yet, he’s just taking the time to mull over your words and what they mean and how they may affect him.  The pros and the cons, if you will… or if he even wants to be bothered with answering in the first place.

See, guys are complicated.  At least I think they are, because there are so many layers to them.  Where it’s easy for us to say, “oh sure, I wanna live with my boyfriend” because our thought processes allows us to romanticize all the benefits immediately (and probably none of the liabilities), we are able to answer right away.  We’ll dress this up and say we could answer right away because we know what we want and we love our guys, and for the most part, this is true, but guys are just different.  They can’t function that way.  A man has to think about the things he wants to do and what’s in it for him.  It’s just something that seems to happen when you hit them with a question or conversation that they didn’t see coming.  I suppose for them (though I have no idea how they feel about it), it’s kind of a blind-side.  But nevertheless, they have to think first.


This is not a bad thing honestly.  Everyone should probably do it this way.  But the great thing about doing it this way is that he’ll make a decision based on logic rather than emotions.  He will honestly try to figure out if he could stand your mood swings, still have space, get the sex he wants, save money, and have a place of peace to come home to everyday.  He will contemplate what it will mean to you if he does do it, and where you two would stand if he doesn’t do it.  And yes, I am sure if he’s a good guy, he’ll factor in what you want and his love for you too (though this could be me romanticizing again, but I would at least like to think he would).  Then he’ll weigh the options.  It really is pretty smart.

But of course, to do all that, he’ll need between 30 minutes to damn near 7 hours to think or possibly even longer.  Now don’t ask me why it takes so long… I haven’t got the slightest clue.  I’d be lying if I didn’t say that the time frame didn’t annoy me to no end too, but this is the reality of it.  They need that time.  They have to delve down deep into the abyss of their innermost thoughts and ponder it out for a minute (or several hours, however you want to look at it.)  You almost feel like you’re going to die from waiting so long… Waiting to find out if you made the cut or not… It can be maddening to a woman, but that’s just the way it is.


Now that’s not to say we have to like it.  Of course we don’t.  In all honesty, I hate it.  I don’t like waiting forever to find out what’s what, but if we care for our guys, we do have to respect that they need this time.  And further, we need to respect it without attitude.  We can’t walk around pouting or popping up on them with “hey you thought about it yet?” or “hey, you got that answer yet?”  No, the politics of men and women suggest that we should play it cool.  Still, that does NOT mean that we are supposed to wait forever.  No.  I can’t say what an appropriate amount of time is- it depends on the people and the questions asked, but given an appropriate amount of time, I would advise any lady to eventually come to him and say “Okay, well you’ve had some time to think, do you think we might be able to continue the conversation now, or do you need more time?”  We need to be conscious and considerate of their needs, but also very aware of our own.  It’s give and take with this relationship stuff.  And believe me, nobody ever said that dealing with them would be easy, but it is utterly important at least to be fair.  And he in turn should be fair to you as well.

So what’s the verdict?  The lesson to be learned?  We must have patience.  Give the guy some time and space to mull things over.  Busy yourself with a project or everyday things that need to be done while he thinks.  You know that you will come back to the conversation eventually, so no need to spend time obsessing over the fact that he hasn’t answered you yet.  He will when it’s time.  And if he doesn’t, you can approach the subject again in a non-confrontational way.  It’s all about finesse, ladies…  But just remember, If he appears to have checked out of the conversation, or shut down at the onset of questioning, it’s only because he’s thinking about what you’ve asked.  Respect your guy and he (theoretically) will respect you! Operation Keep That Man is now in process ;)  Smooches
















Sincerely,

Arielle "Ari" Crowell, author