Thursday, May 8, 2014

The Guy Chronicles V: Little Miss Independent Is About To Be Little Miss Never Keep a Man

The Guy Chronicles V:  Little Miss Independent Is About To Be Little Miss Never Keep a Man 

Good evening!  Good morning!  Howdy Do?  How is everyone doing?  Yes it’s me, back again with another article to add to The Guy Chronicles.  Today I think it may behoove us to talk about all of our independent women out there.  Now first I’d like to say that the newly found independence of women has been a very liberating one.  We no longer have to rely on a man to support ourselves or ask permission to do things.  We have our own assets that give us power.  We can exercise religious, financial, societal, and sexual freedom according to our own desires, and that my friends, is a beautiful thing.  I have been an active part of the “movement” myself.  But as you can see, I’m still single just like most of the rest of em… so what does that tell ya?

I’m going to keep it 100 the way I always do.  From my observations, men say they want an
independent woman, and maybe they do to a certain extent, but I’m pretty sure that it’s only a half truth.  Yep, I was singing right along with Neyo in his Miss Independent song... I felt like yep, he's talking about me 'cause I'm my own woman and make my own rules!  Honey, no.  Turn that mess off right now.  Listening to that will have you living in an old nursing home, alone with 12 cats for company.  It's misleading propaganda if ever I heard any.  Let me explain…

Most of us ladies, especially if you’re a single mother like I am, have had to fend for ourselves for quite some time.  We work to pay these bills, work to feed this child, work to have a bit of spending cash, work to survive.  When you need air in your tire or your oil changed, nobody is going to do it unless we do it for ourselves.  We make our own money, take care of our own household, and essentially ensure that things run smoothly for ourselves without waiting around for a man to come and do it for us.  I get it… If you’re like me and romantically challenged, if you waited on a man to take care of you, you’d be waiting til DoomsDay and “aint nobody got time for that,”  (totally been waiting to use that phrase by the way).  But what happens when we are so independent in our minds and actions that we push all candidates of the opposite sex away?  What options do we have left then?

June Cleaver
Now if you’re reading this blog, I can only assume that your goal or desire is to have a mate.  I know that’s my desire, hope, dream, goal.  I’d love to have a guy who loves and cares about me just because I’m me.  Who wouldn’t?  But I’m going to keep it real- in order to achieve that, I and every other self-proclaimed independent woman out there is going to have to tone down all that “power and control” we seem to exert and learn to be traditional ladies.  I mean you don’t have to be June Cleaver, but you don’t need to be Angela Davis either.

Angela Davis
If you’ve read any of the other articles in The Guy Chronicles, you’ve learned or know that by nature it is ingrained into a man’s DNA to protect and provide for his lady (at least the good ones).  There’s no changing that.  And though we, as women, are quite strong and capable of doing a lot of things by ourselves, there’s no way to keep a man around if he doesn’t feel both needed and wanted.  I mean we could cut the grass, but do we really need to if Darius is there?  We as women could change this light fixture, but do we really need to when Jamal is sitting ten feet away?  I mean it’s not impossible for us to change this flat tire, but why would we when Andre has the car jack in his hand?  You get my meaning here?  There is really no point in us attempting to do the “guy stuff” if we have a guy right there willing and ready to do it for us.  And if he cares enough to do it for you, take my word, you damn well better let him do it.  All you’re going to do by rejecting it is make him feel like less of a man around you.  How does he look sitting in the car while you pump the gas?  How does he look as a man flipping channels on the TV while you take out the trash?  Yeah, no.  Not a good look ladies.  The moment he starts to feel like less of a man around you, because clearly what is he good for if you’re going to do everything yourself, you can kiss your relationship goodbye.  Oh he might
Angie Rodriguez has got your man!
not leave you… yet… but Angie Rodriguez over there who has the banging body equal to or better than yours who allows him to be a man is about to be the new side piece until she gets elevated to main squeeze.  Where then do you think you’ll be?  Your overly independent self will be sitting on the sidelines with the rest of the ladies like you watching their man roll off with the next broad.

Think you're Superwoman huh?
Now doesn’t it seem needy as hell to need a man to do certain things?  I can admit that sometimes it does.  But then again, perhaps that is because we haven’t really ever given ourselves the chance to actually be females.  We are delicate, special, and deserve to be treated with respect, concern and care.  We are beautiful tulips being sheltered by a large oak tree in the middle of a rainstorm.  That’s the role we play- or should be playing anyway.  Let that man do what it is men are supposed to do.  Instead we are busy trying to be career woman, super mom, handy woman Rosy the Riveter, and the list goes on and on... blah blah blah.

Always protecting you
I know what you’re thinking.  If you let a man take care of you he’ll think you’re a gold digger.  Well nowhere in this post did you see me say take the man for every dime he’s got.  It really isn’t a monetary thing- or at least it shouldn’t be.  I think that it’s really about showing him that you trust in his abilities (again another reference to a previous post).  Do you trust him to be the man and do the things that men do?  Do you trust him to protect you, keep you safe, and keep your household running?  Of course you do!  So let him!  It’s really just that simple.  And honestly, you're a team anyway, #hometeam in fact.  What he doesn't do, you do, and what you don't do, he does.

Traditionally speaking, women are not meant to be the head anyway.  It isn’t because we aren’t capable of it.  We have clearly proven that should the ish hit the fan, we’ve got this.  That’s not the point.  The point is, if you have a great guy there with you, he has a position to fill- a role to play.  And God (or whatever higher being you believe in) has molded him to care for you.  Whether you like it or not, you are inferior in strength to a man.  We women are strong creatures, but our strength is different.  We must excel within our relationships within the categories in which we are meant to excel.  The man is meant to run the house.  He may need counsel to do so, he may need support, encouragement, and lots of care, and clearly this is where your role finds its definition, but he (not you) is meant to run that house.  We need to start accepting this and allow it to happen.

Now that’s not to say that you are some type of doormat or slave to a man.  Hell no!  I would never condone such.  That’s not to say that you don’t have your own mind, and own thoughts about how things should go.  I don’t think I ever said that voicing your opinion was a bad thing.
Oh no no no honey!
  On the contrary, that man doesn’t know everything.  He’s going to get it wrong sometimes, no doubt because he is human.  By all means, if he is a good man to you, he should respect your opinion.  But that doesn’t mean your opinion should undermine what he is trying to do if what he is trying to do is for the good of his household.  We have to learn to have finesse and pick our battles.  And we need to learn to be headstrong and show strength of will and character without breaking our men down and emasculating them.  It can be really hard to find middle ground with this, and I, of course, understand that.  I am still finding my way myself, but we must try to understand the opposite sex if we ever hope to settle down.

So let’s learn to turn down all that brazen “I am Woman, Hear Me Roar” crap.  I mean, I’m with it, no doubt, but there comes a time when we must let it simmer down.  When the good guy comes, let him take some of the pressure off of you.  Let him relieve you of some of the burden of everyday life because if he loves you, cares for you, or is thinking of making you his one and only, these are the things he’s going to want to do.  I’m telling you, when I get my chance, Angie Rodriguez is not going to get my guy.  No ma’am.  Angie Rodriguez better get her own guy,
because I won’t be sending mine to her anytime soon by being so damn independent that my man feels useless around me.  I want a real man to be my companion, I’m not trying to be my own man and my own companion.  That’s the loneliest crap I’ve ever heard.  And with 7 billion people on this Earth, I’m pretty sure God didn’t intend for us to go it alone.  So let’s get busy being ladies, ladies.  I know we are out of practice, but it’s time to get things in order.  Think it over and let me know your thoughts ;) Let's get some Happily Ever After stories happening! Toodles!

Arielle “Ari” Crowell